Why Doesn’t Anyone Climb in Knickers Anymore?

Nothing says, “I am a climber" (or badminton player or Lady Diana) like knickers. So why doesn't anyone climb in these “knee breeches” anymore? Gear Guy has your answer.

By Rock and Ice | July 12th, 2016

Why doesn’t anyone climb in knickers anymore?

—Ned Wright, Dallas,Texas

Style never goes out of style. Elbsandstein, Germany.Nothing says, “I am a climber” (or badminton player or Lady Diana) like knickers. These “knee breeches,” as Gramps called them, right before kneeing sissy boy in the groin, then punching him in the face, are baggy pants cropped just below the knee.

Their loose fit provides more freedom of movement than conventional trousers, which can bind at the knee or groin during critical movements. Because knickers are short, they minimize the chance you’ll get a pant cuff snagged by a crampon point, and slide to your death, arms outstretched as if to beseech The Maker for mercy—and knowing there will be none.

Most critically, knickers let you casually see your feet when you are rock climbing.

Due to the numerous and important advantages of knickers, I am surprised that all climbers do not wear them. You feel the same way, obviously, and, like me, are amazed that climbers choose instead to wear such ridiculous items as pants that stretch or have gusseted crotches, board shorts and even capris, or “manpris” when donned by an alpha who pulled them on in a dark closet and didn’t realize his error until he’d already cinched up the waist cord.

I can’t recall the last time I saw a climber wearing knickers. Certainly it has been decades. This is something to think about, because history is not kind to bad style. For example, our books are filled with archival illustrations and photos of the Great Ones dashingly suited up in knickers, usually of the finest tweed. Gazing upon these images causes a deep and satisfying internal stirring, yet photos of modern Lycra-clad climbers with their junk protruding like small cups of fruits are nearly as distressing as Vertical Limit, and viewed even less frequently.

I suspect that people don’t wear knickers because they can’t find them—most clothiers don’t rack knickers in the logical place, alongside full-length pants. Instead, you must seek them in the beret and scarf section. Don’t forget the accessory belt. Next!

 

This article was published in Rock and Ice issue 212.

Leave a Reply

Notify of
avatar
wpDiscuz

Can Sleeping on Your Rope Cause Damage?

Entire generations of luckless alpinists have used ropes to level out ledges and insulate against the cold ground, ice and snow.

read more

Will Dog Urine Harm My Rope?

A buddy’s dog peed in the general direction of my new rope. I don’t think it was a direct hit per se, but collateral damage is a high possibility. Do I need a new rope or will a good scrubbing do the trick?

read more

What's the Point of Spotting Highball Boulder Problems?

When a person skyrockets off a problem from four times their height, does spotting expose numerous people to injury instead of just one?

read more